Rant
I admit, I didn’t pay much attention to the issue of Prop 8 in California. I never seriously thought it would pass. I can’t remember a single time in history that a constitutional amendment was passed to take away rights that had already been granted. The very idea leaves a sour taste. It is hurtful and disgusting. I still find it doubtful that it will live long – court battles and ultimately future elections will likely rid California of this dark shadow. But that is beside the point, I was watching Countdown last night. Keith can tend to be a little overly dramatic (more of a drama queen than most guys I know), but last night’s special comment was poignant and moving. He talked about Prop 8 and it will definitely go down as one of his most memorable comments both for its sincerity and the power with which it was conveyed.
Tags: drama, drama queen, election, guys, Keith Olbermann, men, Politics, Prop 8, Rant, tv
When I first read this at gaygamer.net, I thought it had to be a joke, a parody of something worth parody. But it is no joke. There really is going to be a DDR the musical. Set in an Orwellian style world where dancing is illegal, a gang of youth (40 attractive barely clad performers) are without hope to overthrow the oppressive government until their dancing prophet Moonbeam Funk arrives.
Inspired by the wildly popular video game of the same name, Dance Dance Revolution is like Footloose set in the future—but much scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors as well as free beer!
—Broadway World
If you happen to be in NYC between Dec 3 – 20 you can catch it at the Ohio theatre.
–Start pseudo rant/confessional
Alright, I admit it, I am a closet DDR addict. I actually got a little giddy at the thought of just how campy and funny this would have to be (and jealous I’m not in it). How far does my addiction go. I have at least one DDR game for every console I own. A total of 12 DDR titles including DDR Mario Mix for the Gamecube (if you are a DDR fan you know how uncommon that title is). I pretend to think DDR is silly and juvenile, but then can put friends/colleagues/students to same when they finally ‘convince me’ to try (I try to fake newbie status at first, but then become a ‘quick learner’). I had an ex-boyfriend convinced I only had a DDR game in case I couldn’t find time to get to the gym. The mats are all hidden (the one for my 360 behind the entertainment console, and other platforms in the back of a closet). The games and their cases are harder to find than my porn stash. DDR is both my shame and my joy. I readily admit to my vices and quirks, but DDR has been my little secret guilty pleasure for a long time.
Tags: addiction, DDR, games, musicals, Rant, theatre, video
*originally posted on August 20, 2004 (saved via the Internet Archive)
The Background info
Many schools have a “mandatory” housing policy for certain classifications of students. We are no different. Unfortunately, I am the one who works with this program in our office. (Really unfortunate)
Okay, now my rant
This summer I have heard it all. I have had students come to me and try a little of everything.
I have had students sit and with a total straight face swear to me that they are going to commute everyday from Hawaii (just remember we are in Kentucky). Or you can take your pick, I have had California, Canada, United Kingdom, New Mexico, Georgia – all swearing that they were driving everyday from their parent’s home (these are just the ones that stand out in the last week).
I have had students swear to me that their parents are dead and that they have no home other than their apartment (even though I just spoke to their parents a few minutes before on the phone).
I have had students walk (literally) into my office and submit documentation indicating that they are paralyzed.
I even had a student submit documentation requesting a medical exemption from housing because she had gonorrhea.
Do I have the words “Fu*king Idiot” tattooed on my forehead. The one’s I truly love are the ones that I know are lying, but that I can’t prove it and am forced to approved. Those piss me off to no end. While I have been typing what little I have written, I have had about a dozen waivers interrupt me. Here’s my most recent addition – let’s see is New Hampshire a commutable distance from Kentucky – NO. Time to go ruin someone’s day.
Tags: classic, idiot, Kentucky, Rant, work
*Saved by the Internet Archive – originally posted August 16, 2004
Men are fascinating creatures, everyone says that women are confusing, but I definitely beg to differ. I understand women just fine, it is men I have yet to figure out. What brings this on, none other than a guy – but not for the reasons you are probably thinking.
The short version – Shortly after I moved here to Morehead, a guy randomly emailed me (from here in town). We got to talking and eventually hooked up, he was simply a “friend with benefits”. There was never any chance for more, for no other reason than that I do not date “closet-cases”. Until about a year ago, he had never even been to my apartment – I used to tease him about being afraid that someone whom he did not know and would likely never see again might just see him coming into my apartment – how scandalous that would be. Anyway, we have been just friends for about six months now, but tonight is what brings on this rant.
Over the weekend, I had a three hour “bi*ch” session with a friend. Traditionally, we get drunk during these as it is just that much more entertaining for the other. A few minutes after the bi*ch session ended, ***** called (I’ll keep his paranoia down and just leave him as blanks). We decided to get together and watch a movie, as I was in no state to drive, he came and picked me up. Everything was fine, we watched movies, and drank quite a bit – as I was already “sh*t-faced”, I ended up “skunk-a*s drunk” naturally. We talked, and laughed, and watched movies – nothing else. After he sobered up, he brought me home, and helped me to bed (I had one hell of a hangover the next day). Absolutely nothing sexual happened. As he had been a perfect gentleman, I decided to cook dinner to thank him (nothing fancy). Here is where the confusing part of guys comes in (did I say this was the short version, well I lied 
).
So, Monday I cut out of work a little early and came home to cook. About 5:30PM ***** showed up. Everything was fine, we talked a bit and had a glass of wine. I went into the kitchen to put in the garlic bread, and asked him (from the kitchen) “Do you want parmesan on the bread”. When he didn’t answer, I stuck my head out of the kitchen to ask again. What was I greeted by? None other than ***** sitting on my couch with his dick in his hand stroking it. He looked at me (with his very bad come hither look I might add) and said “Fu*k dinner, let’s just skip to dessert”. All I could do was laugh, I told him that I wasn’t that drunk and to put his cock away. I went back in the kitchen, now everything would have been fine, except my uber-bi*ch kicked in. I came out of the kitchen (he still hadn’t put his dick back in his pants) and I went off, I told him that A) he needed a new line, B) I was no longer in the mood to have dinner, C) I had work to do, and D) “if you haven’t gotten the hint – get the fu*k out”. Needless to say, he put his dick away. When he didn’t make any movements towards the door, I looked at him and with as much bit*hy drama-queen as I could muster told him to “get the FU*K OUT!”, he got the hint and left (subtle aren’t I). Now was I a bi*ch – YES. Was it justified, I think so.
Let’s be honest, if I invite a guy for dinner, he should at least have the courtesy to wait until after dinner to pull out his dick, or at least let me pull out his dick.
Now, I can hear every guy out there, “you led him on”, what a typical guy response. You see, I have come to the conclusion that when talking to most guys they hear in an entirely different language.
If you say, “How was your day?”, they hear “F*ck me now!”
If you say, “Do you want to grab a bite for dinner?”, they hear “F*ck me now!”
If you even say, “Hi”, they hear “F*ck me now!”
But if you say, “F*ck me now!”, they hear something to the effect of “**** is on TV”. For str8 guys this is probably some sport, for most gay guys it can be just about anything else.
Now, on a side note, my favorite of all are the men that refer to themselves as “we”; the collective “we” to which they refer is often none other than themselves and their penis. What the F*ck? Now, in all honesty, I love my penis, but I do not refer to it as a person – that is just insane. I don’t ask my penis what it wants for lunch or dinner (though I have met guys that refer to what food their penis is in the mood for).
I wonder if it is a sign that ***** hasn’t called me.
Tags: classic, drama, guys, men, psychology, Rant, sex
*Another entry from the digital closet – this one from September 27, 2001.
The key to fighting terrorism – hoes all around. (I got this idea while playing Pimp Wars). Yes you heard me right. I will beat myself over the head for saying it later. But, the idea makes a great deal of sense when you take into consideration an article that appeared in the Times of India (link no longer active). Apparently, analysis of Bin Laden’s handwriting shows that he is “beset by a strong libido, which was driving his actions”. Now, I have been horny, but I have NEVER been so horny that I wanted to blow-up a building, nor do I think that is the logical outlet for horniness. I mean, when I am horny the only things I can think about are blowing a load, blowing a guy’s dick, or being ramrodded by a big ol’ piece of meat – the thought of blowing up a building would never cross my mind. But let’s assume for a moment that the article is correct and that this is the act of a sexually repressed man.
Well, let’s look at the towers. One can see how they could be taken as a phallic symbol. Tall (long), erect, and hard – further, Bin Laden’s need to destroy these huge phallic symbols (in other words these big steel dicks) is a sign that he himself feels a need to destroy phalluses that are larger then his own. In other words he is trying to overcompensate for a small penis.
Additionally, in the attack on the Pentagon the plane hit the outside and missed going for the center. Now we can look at this attack in terms of a metaphor for Bin Laden’s own sexual frustrations. The plane exploding on the outer edges can mean one of many things. The first thing that such an attack could symbolize is that Bin Laden has an issue with premature ejaculation – he cums before he can even get it into the target. The other thing that this could represent is that Bin Laden is saying that in fact he does not find the sexual role that has been proscribed to him to be satisfying – as he never actually got into where he was supposed to and found satisfaction and release without ever achieving that role. In other words this could mean that Bin Laden is in fact a big ol’ bottom in need of a big ol’ dick rammed up his rump. The easiest way to test this theory would be for a tank to simply impale him up the a*s with its turret (soldiers keep this in mind when you get him) and if by chance I am wrong it will sure as hell be one big pain in the a*s for him.
Now as we can see we need to spread the wealth of hoes throughout the world and liberate the women in Afghan society; as well as get rid of that public stoning for homosexuals thing. If we did this it would at the very least curb terrorism. I mean think about it, if given the choice between killing yourself and getting laid, which would you choose. I can honestly say that I can not think of anyone that would not choose getting laid. Thus if we liberated the society sexually we would most certainly curb terrorism as most people are not going to be destroying things if in fact they are enjoying a nice after-glow.
So SEX is the solution to terrorism.
Tags: best of, classic, Rant, sex
Originally from September 23, 2001
I have developed a new theory that I think will revolutionize the way that we look at the world. I call this amazing theory the Couch Potato Law. You see the Couch Potato Law states that the number of channels you have is inversely proportional to the number of television shows that you actually want to watch.
The means of testing the theory is as follows
1. Turn on your television
2. Go to your program guide and scan what is on.
3. Count how many shows or channels you would actual like to watch
4. Count the number of actual channels you have
5. Do the math
My results. Number of channels 180+ and the number of shows that I wanted to watch – zero. I did manage to find something sort of The Vicar of Dibley.
I know a stupid theory, but why do we have so many channels if we are not going to watch them? I mean who actually needs 10 shopping channels. I am a self admitted shop-a-holic, but I have never watched them nor do I have any desire to. Next, 8 channels dedicated to Christianity – WHY? First how many people come home after a long day at work and want to watch someone tell you that you are a sinner and the only way to go to heaven is to call and give them your money. What is up with that, beyond that isn’t the market for the channels basically the same people and as you can typically only watch one thing at a time – why 8 of the things? But let’s not forget the number of channels that show infomercials at night – at 5AM I counted 52 channels that had infomercials on them – why?
I thought the purpose of having so many channels to choose from was that one could find something they were interested in at any time of the day – that is obviously not the case. Plus, we see the media characterize us as a society of couch potatoes, HOW? I am not content to sit on the couch and watch television – especially when I can’t find anything to watch no matter what time of day or night that it is.
Tags: classic, Rant
*Another classic returning thanks to the internet archive, this one from Sept 22, 2001
By now I think everyone has heard Jerry Falwell’s infamous comment (link no longer in Internet Archive) of last week (The Village Voice did a nice top ten style list using it). Needless to say it still pisses me off. By why do I bring this up now, you will understand in a few moments. (but first the rant).
I would think that the America people would finally wake up one day and realize that religious fanaticism in any form is dangerous. It is a lesson that we saw the deadly results of on 9/11 but no. Shortly after that Jerry “Bin Laden” Falwell comes out of the wood work and claims the blame for the attack rests on everyone for which he typically shows disdain. Have people forgotten his last major PR release (no not Tinky Winky) it was a little comment about how a hurricane was going to come and destroy Florida if the people did not turn against what he viewed as their sinning ways (specifically naming several groups – same as always homosexuals, pagans, feminists) (On a side note will he ever find new groups to pick on). This man is a true nut case. How anyone can take him serious is beyond me. But the reality is that it was a great deal of free publicity that offended half the country and caused the other half to call up and let him steal their money for his theme park and God only knows what else.
Now what made me think about this tonight. Well, I think I have figured out why it is that all of these people like Falwell are crazy. They too are drinking the Pat Robertson protein drink. Yes folks did you know (or even care) that Pat can do 600 pound leg-presses. His secret a special 700 club protein drink (expect the infomercial coming soon – can’t you see it “a drink inspired by God”) but yes folks I believe that all of these nut cases are on the same protein drink. A drink that no only allows them to do 600 pound leg-presses but also makes them absolutely certifiably looney. (All that stuff up there for this, you can tell I am tired — time for sleep).
Tags: best of, classic, crazy, Rant
