Kentucky
This is somewhat old news, but it has been interesting to read what people have to say about it. – the AFSCME radio ad that is.
Conservatives call it slanderous and outrageous, moderates consider it distasteful, liberals ask ‘well what is he hiding’ . In truth, I heard the AFSCME radio ad the last time I was down in Kentucky. It never once crossed my mind that they were trying to imply that McConnell was gay. I took the ad as being targetted to softening his support among veterans. When I first heard the comments about the ad, it reminded me of the old Shakespeare line ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ – in other words conservatives seem so obsessed with sexual orientation it makes me wonder what they have to hide. (Total side topic, stay straight – we don’t want you on our team).
When I saw the village people ad, I finally got what they were trying to say. First off, it was stupid. It didn’t work when Republicans tried it in the last governor’s election, so why would you think it would work for you against them. Come on now people, I won’t pretend that Kentucky is the most cultured state in the union, but nobody is that blind.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have met/talked with McConnell many times in my life (daddy is a diehard Republican). Not once did I ever think McConnell was a closet case. My gaydar can be faulty, but it isn’t that bad. If it is, I need to turn in my gay card and become an ‘ex-gay’ – the very thought of which makes me cringe.
Ultimately, who cares why McConnell left the military it was a LONG time ago. So what if he blew a few guys – hasn’t everyone. 
I care more about his record in the Senate. It says a lot that McConnell used to tout how close he was to Bush and how he was proud to support him; then now he goes around touting how his position lets him bring lots of pork ($$$) back to the state. First, I never saw the fruits of his labor (nor did most Kentuckians). Second, if either are things you are proud of you should be absolutely ashamed. Pork and Bush as your proudest points – you don’t deserve to return to Washington. It is time for change, the sad part is it won’t happen. The recent polls have said it will be close, but the people in the street could have told you that a couple months ago. In the end, he will probably still go back – it will be yet another sad point in Kentucky history.
Tags: conservatives, election, Kentucky, life, McConnell, news, Politics
Ahhh, the Monday after Halloween. Every college administrator’s favorite day. Here I sit going through all the logs and reports when low a behold a lovely video file crosses my email.
I can’t tell you how appropriate this is given the logs I have. I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t had more than my fair share of drunken nights (thankfully none that ended like that). Heck, I’m from Kentucky the place where
By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
–Lexington
At least I can be thankful for small miracles, so far it doesn’t appear anyone ended up in jail.
Tags: drunks, halloween, Kentucky, laws, video
While I may no longer live in Kentucky, it is still home. I find myself obsessed with the Senate election this year. I was born and raised a Democrat and cringe at the thought of voting for a Republican. To put it in perspective, for years I simply would skip the box for Senate race as opposed to voting for McConnell. Personally, I have never been fond of that man and would have loved to see a good Democrat run against him, but it never seemed to happy (the life of the incumbent). This year though, I wonder what I would have done. As I said, I don’t like McConnell, the last 8 years have definitely cemented that fact. The problem is that I am not particularly fond of Lunsford either. In truth it is one of those items that for me comes down to the devil you know vs the devil you don’t. In this case though, the devil you don’t is definitely the strongest choice for me. I will be watching election night hoping for a McConnell fall. It looks like it will be close, so I will be keeping my fingers crossed.
Tags: election, Kentucky, McConnell
By now, all my friends have heard (and many strangers too). Yes, I have been mentally and emotionally scared by a horrific attack by a flying dildo. I will never be able to look at a dildo the same way again 
.
My story begins on one fateful summer day in July. Me the innocent and sweet person that I am just driving along minding my own business. (Okay, I was really doing 90 as I was running late as usual and dodging in and out of rush hour traffic – but you miss the point.) Anyway, I was driving along minding my business passing through Florence (KY) you know the place with the ‘Florence Y’all’ water tower when out of nowhere this giant neon pink and purple dildo comes flying towards my car. Not having anywhere I could go, I just let it come for me – I’ve never been afraid of a cock before and I’m not going to start now. So my life flashes before me in slow motion and I think is this how it ends killed by a giant cock. Then smack, the dildo hits my windshield leaving a cock head shaped crack (if you are imaginative, you can even see it as a cock head that is cumming, the cracks shot out in front like it is shooting its load [or maybe I just need to get laid]). To add insult to injury, rather than bouncing off or falling off to the side, the dildo just sat there on my windshield. So here you have me barreling towards Cincinnati in rush hour traffic with a neon pink and purple dildo on my hood (I guess I could look at it as free advertising). I had ample time to study the dildo in detail, and hundreds of questions popped through my mind. Where did it come from, why my vehicle, who the hell throws a dildo out of their vehicle on the interstate, what if they didn’t throw it out, what if it came out, what were these crazy dildo users doing, and lastly where had that dildo been (that thought was just too horrific to imagine – I was passing through Florence and racing towards Cincinnati afterall, neither exactly an accepting gay mecca). The thought of where it had been too horrible to visualize, I decide to roll down the windows and crank the stereo – might as well make the best of a beautiful day. Then traffic began to slow – congestion during rush hour who ever heard of such – and here I am windows down, Cher blaring on the stereo, with a giant dildo on my hood. Needless to say the looks, pointing, and laughter were quiet memorable. At this point I had decided to leave the dildo – I refused to touch it without protection (always wrap it up, or at least in this case get a rubber glove or paper towel or something to grab the mysterious flying dildo with).
Slowly but surely traffic begins to flow again and I am back on my way to Richmond Indiana. I finally get through Florence and find a truck stop to get gas and remove my extra passenger at. I pull off, fill up the tank and see this guy staring at my vehicle. I muster in my bitchiest tone – ‘what you never seen a cock that big’. His respond ‘nope, can’t say I have’. My retort, ‘My sympathy to your wife’. He just looked confused. I finished filling my tank and then grabbed one of the papertowels out of the dispenser and use it to throw the flying dildo in the trash.
I proceed on the rest of my trip without my extra cargo and arrive uneventful in Richmond. At the hotel, one of the staff comments ‘what happened, that looks like one nasty crack in your window’. I recount my story with her eyes getting bigger and bigger throughout.
Without a doubt, it will require years of therapy to overcome this horrific experience – okay maybe not. More than anything it is par for the course, if crazy crap didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t be me. In truth, the thought going through my mind, ‘damn is that what my life has come to that my truck is getting more action than I am. Needless to say, I haven’t fixed the windshield, I have kinda gotten used to it. Plus it is entertaining to me when people ask about the crack and I get to recount my story to them and see the reactions.
Tags: best of, car, Cincinnati, crazy, Florence, flying dildo, Indiana, Kentucky, life, Richmond
*originally posted on August 20, 2004 (saved via the Internet Archive)
The Background info
Many schools have a “mandatory” housing policy for certain classifications of students. We are no different. Unfortunately, I am the one who works with this program in our office. (Really unfortunate)
Okay, now my rant
This summer I have heard it all. I have had students come to me and try a little of everything.
I have had students sit and with a total straight face swear to me that they are going to commute everyday from Hawaii (just remember we are in Kentucky). Or you can take your pick, I have had California, Canada, United Kingdom, New Mexico, Georgia – all swearing that they were driving everyday from their parent’s home (these are just the ones that stand out in the last week).
I have had students swear to me that their parents are dead and that they have no home other than their apartment (even though I just spoke to their parents a few minutes before on the phone).
I have had students walk (literally) into my office and submit documentation indicating that they are paralyzed.
I even had a student submit documentation requesting a medical exemption from housing because she had gonorrhea.
Do I have the words “Fu*king Idiot” tattooed on my forehead. The one’s I truly love are the ones that I know are lying, but that I can’t prove it and am forced to approved. Those piss me off to no end. While I have been typing what little I have written, I have had about a dozen waivers interrupt me. Here’s my most recent addition – let’s see is New Hampshire a commutable distance from Kentucky – NO. Time to go ruin someone’s day.
Tags: classic, idiot, Kentucky, Rant, work
*Originally posted on August 4, 2004 and saved via the Internet Archive
Yeah, I am bad about posting regularly, I know that, but that is not the point. I got to thinking today, and no it wasn’t about some hot guy I was mentally undressing. It was about one of our new hall director staff.
Let’s see, he’s gay, moved hundreds of miles from home to be here, had only one friend in the area, is enthusiastic, thinks he can save the world, is outgoing and friendly, in his first year as a hall director, is 23, and his mom is coming to see him for Labor Day weekend.
For those that know me, think back four years. Let’s see, I’m gay, moved hundreds of miles (in my case to Boston, in his to podunkholler’), had only one friend in that area, was enthusiastic, thought I could save the world, was outgoing and friendly, was in my first year as a hall director, was 23, and guess what – my mom came to see me over Labor Day weekend. Sound somewhat familiar.
Now four years later, I am somewhat a jaded ol’ queen (Don’t get me wrong, I am still a sweet and caring person, if you can get past the shields I use to protect myself and ultimately to keep people out). I wasn’t ready for what I found and what I encountered. It wasn’t the job, but the attitudes and other issues I had to deal with, I look at him and I wonder if the same will happen to him. I lived in a so-called ‘gay mecca’ and I encountered hate that nearly destroyed me, he moved to a small conservative town in rural Kentucky – I wonder what he will find.
I grew a thick skin over the years, and used my anger and rage as a tool to fight back and for strength, but when I first entered this realm I was still wet behind the ears and as naive as a farmboy (pardon the pun). I see him and I think the same thing – I wonder what will become of him. Will he rise or crumble.
Maybe I am overreacting, when I came here two years ago, I encountered a modest amount of homophobia from staff (mostly stemming from ignorance), and from students a great deal (almost all stemming from ignorance). That was 2 years ago, in many ways our office and staff have changed, and even to some extent the larger institution. Already, he has internal support I did not have, I was greeted by many with animosity and resentment (I reinforced the idea of the end of the good ol’ boy network), he on the other hand had staff specifically asking some of us to help him make a successful transition (how do I know that, I was asked to help him make the transition and to ensure he had every resource he needed to be successful and not by anyone most people would think).
So what started all of this (verbal vomit), partially it was the similarities, but also the fact that one of my colleagues stopped me to ask if I had a romantic interest in him. The quick answer I gave was no, and as I thought about it, I realized that was truly the case – I have zero interest in him. He isn’t my type, and I seriously doubt I am his, but she really got me to thinking. I wonder if he thinks that is the case, I have gone out of my way to be helpful, partially because of the request, but also because I don’t want to see him turn into me. And clearly, some in the office have noticed that. I don’t really know how to address that with him, or even if I should, but at the same time I don’t want to potentially alienate him. Oh well, I will figure it out.
And, to top it off, he is wanting to restart the gay student group on campus (They died years ago). I worked with several students last fall to restart the group, but it again fell apart (because of one particular student who THANK GAWD is no longer here). Do I help, and potentially make him think that I am trying to undermine him or steal his ‘thunder’, or do I just let him do it. If I help, will the help be wanted? I know that I could make a few calls and send a few emails and have enough students to reconstitute the group by the end of the week – I guess I need to sleep on it tonight and figure something out. Oddly enough, I have a meeting in the morning with one of the people who could quickly ensure the institutional support, but should I intervene?
You know, if I don’t walk into drama, I somehow manage to create my own. Damn, I really am a drama queen 
Tags: classic, drama, drama queen, homophobia, Kentucky, men, work
*More Classic Fairy from the Internet Archive originally posted on March 29, 2002.
From the same people that had to make it “illegal to fish with a bow and arrow”, and make it “illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket” comes the casino terminator 2000. That’s right – you have a riverboat casino that is mudding your view of the dirty Ohio river – well no longer Kentucky’s own Casino terminator will come to your rescue. The casino terminator 2000 is 688VLS class submarine capable of blowing any evil casino boat straight back to hell.
This has to be a joke right? Well that is what I originally thought when I read Kentucky’s House Resolution 256. The purpose to “encourage the purchase of a submarine to patrol the waters of the Commonwealth and search and destroy all casino riverboats”.
It is moments like these that I miss my dear ol’ home state. They’re all nuttier than a bunch of fruitcakes.
It isn’t enough to simply have police remove them from state waters – NO… that doesn’t send the right message – and of course the right message to send is to blow the F-ing thing to bits. Just remember rednecks and their guns.
BTW… For the full text and the guy responsible see more below.
The Man Behind the Resolution
Representative Thomas Burch of Louisville
The resolutions HR256
A RESOLUTION encouraging the purchase and vigorous use of the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class submarine.
WHEREAS, in the past few years the scourge of the casino riverboat has been an increasingly significant presence on the Ohio River; and
WHEREAS, the Ohio River borders the Commonwealth of Kentucky; and
WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and
WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky citizens;
NOW, THEREFORE,
Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:
Section 1. The House of Representatives does hereby encourage the formation of the Kentucky Navy and subsequently immediately encourages the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine, namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may encounter.
Section 2. The House of Representatives does hereby authorize the notification of the casino riverboat consulate of this Resolution and impending whoopin’ so that they may remove their casino vessels to friendlier waters.
Tags: classic, crazy, Kentucky, laws, politicians
